24. The Test of Love (pt 1)
Thursday 14th March
(for more details see here)
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Torn.
Peter can't be here - it's too dangerous.
They've taken Jesus.
Arrested Him.
Put Him on trial.
That brooding anger and hatred towards Him has finally exploded. And now Peter has no idea what they will do with Jesus now they have Him... or what they might do to His disciples now that they can.
He can't be here.
But he can't be anywhere else.
How could he be?
Despite his exhaustion, there is no way he could just go home and sleep.
So he follows...
but at a distance...
He now stands outside the High Priest's courtyard - his friend John knows the family and has gone in... and Peter waits at the door alone. The murmur of anger voices inside in unsettling - something evil has gripped this city tonight, and has set itself will against them.
The heavy wooden door is heaved opened. Peter steps back, but sees John's concerned face beckoning him in.
Peter glances quickly around, and ducks through the doorway.
Next to the entrance stands a small servant girl, she nods obediently to her guest and then studies his face.
"Wait... You aren’t one of this man’s disciples too, are you?" she wonders aloud.
Before Peter can think, two little words have escaped his lips: "I'm not!"
Gone is the promise that puffed his chest up with pride only hours before...
Gone is the loyalty that had pledged it's final breath...
Gone is the friend who said he'd be there till the end...
Still, Peter lives in see another day
And he continues to follow...
at a distance...
Reflection: The Test of Love.
Before we judge Peter, let's be clear - most of us will never have any concept of being somewhere where our faith in Jesus could cost us our very lives... we have no idea how intense the fear or pressure is that Peter is experiencing in this moment.
Peter's love was tested in a way that most of us will never go through - and so, like Peter, we may think we know what we would do in such circumstances... but we don't. Not really.
But I do recognise something.
The habit of hanging back. Of following Jesus really closely and passionately one moment - and then, when it leads somewhere testing, somewhere costly - not walking away, but just following Jesus - at a safer distance...
-
Managing my expectations of myself as a disciples a little more "rationally"...
-
Managing my expectations of Jesus as my Lord a little less radically...
-
Managing my expectations of other disciples a little more reasonably...
Not losing faith, but losing step...
Not leaving the path, but lessening my pace...
Not not-pursuing, but with less passion and purpose...
Following... at a distance...
And, of course, back at a safe distance I'm less aware of His proximity to me - and so it is easier to deny Him when I'm less conscious of His presence...
And that's how Peter gets here - following, but at a distance.
And that's how we get there too.
Brennan Manning once claimed:
“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians:
who acknowledge Jesus with their lips,
walk out the door,
and deny Him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
BRENNAN MANNING
"...deny Him by their lifestyle..."
Ouch.
Following at a distance.
"That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
Ouch.
But even here - where we feel Jesus' presence less keenly there is a deeper reality... when we shrink back and slip away, Jesus doesn't mimic our movements. As much as we are unattuned (or rather tuned out) to Him, Jesus still sees us, still knows us, still longs after us in love. The truth is dawning on Peter slowly, but Jesus has foreseen this moment:
“Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!"
(JOHN 13.38)
But Jesus has also seen beyond this moment...
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat.
But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.
And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
(LUKE 22.31-32)
"...when you have turned back..."
?Jesus doesn't set up a road block for safe-distance-keeping deniers.
There's a way back for Peter... and there's a way back for us.
"...when you have turned back..."
And a future role beyond the fear we feel and the failure we experience.
"...when you have turned back..."
For Jesus, it's not a question of if He will take us back... it is simply a question of when we will turn back.
Love waits.
Jesus waits.
Questions for today:
-
How closely am I following Jesus today?
-
How clearly can others see the effect of my friendship with Jesus?
-
Where and when am I most tempted to slip back into the crowd?
Prayer:
Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against You in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone
.
We have not loved You with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of Your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in Your will,
and walk in Your ways,
to the glory of Your Name.
Amen.
BOOK OF COMMON PRAYER
I prayed this.
My prayer for today: (if you would like to, please feel free to add your own prayer here):